Toothpaste
Oral hygene is something not often talked about when discussing health. Usually the details of a health conversation stay alongside the grapefruit and treadmill, well I’m here to say that oral hygene is my subject. I barely brush my teeth actually and I smoke (cigarettes) so when I buy a toothpaste I expect miracles.
No, okay I don’t expect all my cavities to dissapear under the dim lit bathroom light during a five second brushing, but I do expect to see my teeth whiter than they were after smoking my pack and a half of Winstons all day long.
To my dissapointment, the ADA has actually approved every toothpaste under the sun, so it is up to me to inform you of toothpastes that suck shit and should never be used on your teeth. Maybe they fight cavities, but if you want your teeth to actually look like they don’t have cavities then I suggest you don’t use the following kind of toothpastes. It’s simple … the colored toothpastes are a scam.
I remember as a child (80’s) ooing and ahing over the beauty of a perfect colored AquaFresh swirl on TV. The technology of oral hygene had made it’s leap into the future of rocket cars and moon boots. “Must have this high tech paste that glows red, green, and blue”, I told myself and as I grew into an adult I finally bought the coveted paste of my dreams.
Upon brushing my teeth for two weeks I finally gazed at my teeth for a moment one day and saw a disgusting brown tinted row of teeth. Looked like minature tea bags had been placed between my gums … fuckin gross. I deserve more as a smoker! WTF?!?!? I was pissed and quickly resorted back to Colgate (which seems to rock for the most part) that supplies a simple white paste base and actually whitens teeth.
The lesson long forgotten over the years I recently decided after 3 months of toothpaste use to seek out a new and secret advanced formula for strong white teeth. The isles of Rite Aid are sufficient enough to get ya going on this quest. Did I mention I was bargain shopping too? Well I found a very lame and misleading toothpaste froma company called Lavoris Naturals, who put on their tube in bold lettering WHITENING. Ha ha ha … jerks. This paste was red with cinnamon flavor and let me tell you, AquaFresh was good compared to these guys.
Close inspection, it doesn’t make sense to put in a whitening toothpaste the following ingredients: Red no. 40
What the hell? What the fuck? What the hell and fuck? Seriously, my teeth quickly glazed to a brown within a week and made me brush more and more to no avail. Whitening my ass.
Why the hell would the ADA approve fuckin toothpastes with food coloring in them? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that food coloring stains things, why would we want to stain our teeth when brushing them? It’s a fuckin issue with me, and I have now shared it with you. No super story here, just a big WTF to the ADA.
Sincerely,
ZEEK